Wednesday, April 5, 2017

The Ravings of a unquiet mind...an unkempt mind...

Sarvam Sree Krishnaarpanam Astu

"Tired, very tired indeed...I can't keep going like this...What's the point of all this anyway...Nothing interests me anymore...no one entices me anymore...Has anyone ever enticed me ever? Bland existence...That is all...routine cycle...meaningless conversations...Fake laughs...Powdered face, to hide the ugliness of the heart...lies to appear nice...niceties to cover disgust...disgusting acts to cure boredom...boredom as a result of this meaningless cycle...Lusts that don't last very long...Passions that drift faster than thoughts...One day I want to be a revolutionary...the next day I am thankful for the status quo...One night I want to bask in fame...the next day I want to disappear into the shadows...One night I want to travel the world...the next morning I hate to step out of the house...One day I'm overflowing with gratitude toward the lord...The next day I question both the reason for my gratitude and the existence of a God...One day I want to be in love...the next day I'm relieved to find I'm still single...Then I see a happy couple and feel envy...Envious that I can't be like them...Then I see a fighting couple and I feel relief...and fear...fear that I might become one of them one day. Time is fleeting...life's not...Oh what a big whiner I am...oh how less I open up...paradoxes paradoxes...Am I a special snowflake? An attention seeker? Oh how I detest even the little attention that I get from that jerk in the corner of the cab...Why have't I gotten a promotion? Why haven't I been published? Why haven't I the body of a Greek God...Why compare with a Greek God? Why not an Indian God? Is there even a God? Oh what a miserable place this world becomes without a God...An imaginary friend He is? Why a He? Why not a She? If its imaginary, might as well imagine God to be a She? Can I feel lust toward this She God? Why should there be lust when there is a being of opposite sex? Why just lust...What's wrong with lust? What's right about lust? What's right and wrong in the world anyway? What's real about the world anyway? Reality...Is everything we perceive around real?"

And then the cycle of thoughts begins again...The rant never ends...The ravings never end...Eternity...Eternity is all we have...And we all have eternity...Eternity of what? An Enternity of ravings...How blessed are we...Cheers!

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