Thursday, July 17, 2014

Cricket Kollywood Movie (For fun)

Cricket Kollywood movie:
Jadeja walks in to bat with boos from the English crowd, Anderson is cheered as he comes to bowl. First four delivery hits Jadeja in four different places, but blood comes only from the side of his lips and the side of his temple. A song starts and Jadeja goes from 0 to 99 runs in that five minute song. Anderson, who hasn't bowled during this song(as he had been sitting on a throne, a wineglass in his hands, with a voluptuous lady doing an erotic dance for him (as seen in 80's movies) during the song), comes back to bowl, with his henchmen, Broad, Stokes, Ali and Plunkett lying on the ground with blood all over them.
Anderson launches a yorker, which breaks Jadeja's ankles, making him fall down to the ground. All of Lord's cheer, but Indian team is in tears. Sanjay Manjrekar comes to the Lord's balcony and sings 'Singam Polae song', at the end of which Jadeja stands up, fixes his ankles with just a twist (as in Ghilli movie, with a lightning strike in the background).
Then he smashes a Anderson's delivery into the air, only to be caught by a fielder, who to everyone's surprise wears an Indian cap. It turns out it is actually Stuart Binny still in the ground, not knowing that India's innings is over, since he had been invited to be part of the playing XI, but was ultimately forgotten by everyone, including the captain Dhoni.
Jadeja is declared to be not out by Umpire Dharmasena, for which, Broad, still lying in a pool of blood on the ground, calls for DRS. Dharmasena says there is no DRS as budget for this movie is limited.
Jadeja grins and comes to bat again and Anderson bowls another yorker, which is then hit for a six, bringing Jadeja's first and perhaps the last century in his international test career. English fans who had all along been haters of Jadeja, start to cheer him and Anderson retires from cricket, citing depression.
As the movie ends, a pair of hands comes to the front, 'En Iniya CSK makale', Srinivasan grins...
Assistant Director proposal: "In between we can add a dream sequence, sir"
A dance sequence in Trent Bridge pitch with Virat Kohli and Danielle Wyatt dancing to a Tamil Folk song, with painted big pot-bellied men in the background is added to the movie. (Farookh Engineer, Michael Gatting and Sir Henry Blofield lead the painted pot-bellied men, jiggling their assets.)
Second Assitant director: "Sir, sex sells. How about we add a sex scene in between?"
Piers Morgan and KP in bed, cuddling each other naked, is added in the final edit.
- A. Prashanth Narasimhan

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